Sorry I left,
Walked away,
No explanation,
Only silence

I wanted to tell you
…Goodbye

I wanted to explain
…Why

But then
I couldn’t.

You always stood
A head taller
You always spoke
A little louder

You were the planet
I orbited

Your gravitational pull
Your magnetism
A gift, a power
A weapon.

You were always
Saying something profound
You were always
Doing something extravagant

It was easy to overlook
The insults, the injuries
Easier to question myself
Than the girl on the pedestal

You always knew
How to overrule my objections
Always knew
How to downplay my success

You were rather apt
At erasing boundaries
Rather tactful
At ignoring lines

At ignoring me.

How many times?

My chest would burn
The flicker of instinct
The heat of warning

Yet I would douse it
Again and again
Willfully blind
Choosing the dark

For you. For love.
How I loved you.

So that I’d agreed to these shackles again.

You needed my praise
My loyalty, devotion

But did you ever just need me?

Wasn’t it too easy-
To do as you pleased?
Write all the rules?
Even break them too?

Pretty soon I was her again: the nobody.

I saw you flinch
When I reached for the light
Saw you stiffen
As I emerged from the shadows

So I tied her up
Bound and gagged her
Cloaked and camouflaged her
This way you could always be the brightest.

Sorry.
I wanted to explain
…Why
But I couldn’t.

When I reached for my voice, to protest
It was gone.

Photo Credit: Eva van Oosten

%d bloggers like this: