I know

You’ve stared at this same wall, too long
The clock ticking
Taunting you

The outdoors so far away
Though the door is right there
A slippery little device

I know.

And she tells you how simple it is
He exclaims how good life is
The fixers

They never stop
They never listen
Turning their tools
Too loud to hear
Tightening, cranking down
Squeezing more blood out
Too blind to see

But I know

And this place
This purgatory
Endless, vast

Each day, daunting
You grope through it blind
Running on E
Paralyzed, debilitated

And all you can do
Is whisper
…help

I know.

And you don’t speak
Don’t reach out
You don’t talk about it

Even though
Let’s face it
You’re an apparition now

But no.
You put on armor
A costume
Makeup or a mask
And pretend

Because you know the price
For honesty

The judgement
The misunderstanding
Those damn fixers

Throwing words on top of you
Burying you under trite words
And know-better-band-aids
As you grip the edge of your grave

This I know

So you stay silent
You play the game
You know-
You know what I mean.

So you checked all the boxes today
You laughed
You smiled

You looked well
You seemed well
You showed up

You fucking showed up.

This thing
This curse
This silent decomposing

It’s invisible
Undetectable to the naked eye
It’s anatomy eludes even its victims

We sing about it
At night
Like a mantra

Why me?
What happened?
Where did I go?
How?

And this.
THIS is depression.

Photo Credit: Amira Mimi

%d bloggers like this: